Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
