I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
