just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
