You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
