The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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