i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just blew my weed a kiss
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
