drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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