White coat. Heels.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
