if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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