I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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