I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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