thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You ruined the universe
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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