It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
