I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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