He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
im six kinds of drunk right now
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
