my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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