you're like a bully in the Christmas story
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
COCAINE IS GR8
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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