she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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