If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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