did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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