help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Randomize
