you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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