Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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