oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
