He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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