bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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