Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
