Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
