note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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