i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
