I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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