too bad you live with your parents still
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
