But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
