Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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