Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
