what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
