the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
