i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
