True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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