Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
When did angry sex become our thing?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
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