I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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