My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
