When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
