yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize