I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
