you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
