I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
