i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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