Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
