dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
