i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
