I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize