so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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