She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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