Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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