"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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