So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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