If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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