Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
