so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
