Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you win again, gameday.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
