as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
