Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
