So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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