TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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