hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
