I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize